Agree to Disagree

Recently I have been doing more work with couples, which I am growing to enjoy with each couple I meet. It is fascinating to see two individuals who are seemingly so different, work to co-exist in a relationship that demands compromise. Unfortunately, when you are dealing with two personalities and also two genders; there is likely to be some conflict. Science has already proven to us that the male and female brains have differences that affect how we see, interpret, and react to things. Then mix in the different temperaments, which also influence behaviors.

Differences and conflict in and of themself are not bad things. They often makes us think a little and once in a blue moon we might even consider the other parties perspective. The challenge comes when there is no willingness to even accept that a different approach is possible. With this type of attitude, one party in the relationship is bound to feel dismissed and devalued.

I am often asked, “so am I supposed to just say I am wrong when I don’t feel I am wrong?” Not exactly, but how about simply saying, “I hear you” or “So this made you feel…” or even “I see where you may have thought that”. That gesture alone will at least make the other person feel validated. And isn’t that what we want? Okay so some of us want to be right, but most of us just want to be heard and validated.

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